I wanna say i’m sorry, for anything toxic i ever did or said. I wanna say I really do hope you end up happier and okayer once the winter is over. I hope its all just seasonal depression. I’m sorry for any time I made you feel bad because i’m a big cry baby. I’m sorry for being on pills when we were together. I feel as if part of that made me more weird and less attentive. I’m sorry for pulling you back into my life just to be a mess and for being clinger than ever. I’m sorry for not being able to get over everything faster. I’m sorry I invited you to stay here because I thought it might be better for you. And i’m sorry if any of the ways i said things were toxic because looking back i felt a few probably were. I should have just asked if you wanted to talk about things but I was worried and I tend to invite all the people i worry about to come live with me. And then you said yes and the way you said no two days later was just so different from a hey I changed my mind and i feel as if for awhile i’m going to feel like either I overreacted or you did it to make me feel dumb. Its a constant war in my head. I wish I had waited until I was over you to approach you as a friend. I ruined that option. I hope if we ever accidentally meet i’m less of a cry baby and less toxic in the ways i’m noticing I am. I hope I love me by then so I can smile and be happy for you. Whenever, however we meet. If we meet. But I feel as if all this is slowly moving out of my head. I’m slowly becoming okay. But fuck if you ever come to me know i’ll be more attentive and listen to you. I’m noting and unlearning my toxic traits. Maybe one day we will be able to be friends. Maybe one day we will meet happier, healthier versions of each other. But after this, i’m not gonna post here anymore. But I am sorry and if you ever get sad enough to check this, you’ll see this and then just positivity. And know that I may have said I won’t bother you again, I won’t, but you’re welcome to come to me if you need/want someone to listen. Posting this makes me feel a little dumb but maybe now this shit won’t stick in my head.
